More than 20 years ago, a group of BGAV pastors began getting together to talk about ministry.

They’d been attending church growth conferences, bringing home ideas, and discovering that strategies developed in much larger churches did not always translate easily to their own congregations. They needed colleagues with whom they could compare notes, learn, and figure things out together. With the help of John Chandler and BGAV’s Spence Network, they formed a peer group, comprised of pastors of medium-sized congregations.

Two decades later, they are still getting together. Somewhere along the way, what began as a place to talk about ministry became a place to share life.

“As time went on, it got more personal,” said Phil Peacock, who recently retired after nearly 28 years as pastor of Broadus Memorial Baptist Church in Mechanicsville.

The group still talks about preaching, staff relationships, church leadership, and the challenges of ministry. Over the years, they have shared sermon ideas and resources, brought in speakers, and even swapped pulpits.

But they also know one another’s families. They pray for one another. They keep up through texts and phone calls between gatherings. They have celebrated good seasons together and walked alongside one another through grief, burnout, family struggles, difficult church situations, and major life transitions.

David Donahue, pastor of Manassas Baptist Church, joined the group during a particularly difficult season. His mother had recently died, and he arrived at his first retreat grieving and barely knowing the other pastors.

“I’ve stayed a part of this group because it has been very relational,” Donahue said. “Whenever there’s been a highlight or a difficult season, we’ve all been able to celebrate or work through the challenges of life with one another.”

“This group has been kind of a lifeline through hard times,” said Mark Miller, pastor of Shalom Baptist Church in Mechanicsville. “It’s been a celebrating group through good times.” For pastors, that kind of relationship can be particularly valuable.

“When you’re with your church people, you can love them, and you can laugh with them,” Peacock said. “But there are some things you’re not going to say or some issues you can’t discuss with the people who know the people involved.”

With this group, he said, there is room to be honest—and even to disagree. The pastors have held different views on politics, church governance, and other issues over the years, but “it was understood from the beginning that no differences were going to break the fellowship.”

That safety has allowed vulnerability to grow.

Skip Wallace, now a BGAV field strategist after serving as pastor of Kings Grant Baptist Church in Virginia Beach, believes vulnerability can be one of the barriers keeping pastors from developing relationships like these.

“Pastors often feel like they have to live an idealized life,” Wallace said. “It has to look good. It has to look perfect. They have to perform for their congregation.” Competition can create another barrier, he also observed.

This group made a different choice. “We don’t have competition going on in ministry here,” Wallace said. Instead, “we’ve made a priority of really caring for each other.” That care has extended far beyond their scheduled gatherings. Bob Lee, pastor of Huguenot Road Baptist Church, remembers how the group supported him after his father died of COVID six years ago.

“I just remember the way that these guys reached out after that, and it was just amazing,” Lee said. “We’re there for each other.”

Mike Gray, pastor of Elk Creek Baptist Church near Lake Anna, has experienced that support during difficult seasons of ministry.

“I’ve been on the edge of burnout in ministry on a number of occasions,” Gray said. “And the friendship of these guys has always brought me back to where I needed to be—to be engaged in ministry and committed to ministry and to finishing well.”

Kevin James, who retired after 32 years as pastor of Salem Baptist Church, described what it’s like to have friends who already know the story when the phone rings.

“They’ll make a phone call if they know you’re having a rough time,” James said. “They’ll send an email. They’ll send a text. They’ll stop by on their way, even though it’s not on their way.” For James, the group “became what I may not have known I needed and wanted.”

The men have also made room for something less serious: fun.

They have skied, kayaked, hiked, biked the Virginia Creeper Trail, played ping pong and pool, spent time on the water, and laughed—a lot.

Steve Nethery, pastor of Spring Hill Baptist Church in Ruckersville, sees that as more than entertainment. Pastors spend much of their lives alongside people experiencing “death, divorce, sorrow, stress, and anxiety,” he said. Sometimes, they simply need to go have fun together.

This year’s retreat carried particular meaning for Nethery. After 32 years in Virginia and 42 years in vocational ministry, he is preparing to retire and move back to Texas. The men who have already entered retirement have become trusted guides as he considers what comes next.

And he knows what he is leaving behind.

“I’m going to miss each one of them,” Nethery said. “I’m going to miss learning and growing and laughing and having fun.”

Their history includes loss, too. The group mourned together when their friend and group member, Tommy Speight, died suddenly in 2022. Nethery laughed as he remembered meeting Speight more than two decades ago, hearing him say something wise, and deciding almost immediately, “I’m going to get to know this old man.” They eventually became close friends who spoke by phone weekly. When Speight died, all the members of the group participated in his funeral.

What began more than 20 years ago with pastors trying to become better at their work became something none of them could have created alone. They kept making time for one another. They kept showing up. By prioritizing their relationships, colleagues became friends who have helped one another navigate not only ministry, but life.

Perhaps the clearest measure of what these relationships have become, though, is something Nethery remembers telling the others after they had already been meeting for about eight years.

“Fellas, I think I finally trust you.” They laughed. They had been together for years.

But Nethery wasn’t joking. “These guys are trustworthy, confidential, awesome men,” he said. “There’s a whole lot of wisdom in this group.”

Then he used a word he said he does not use casually. “I love these men.”

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Through the Eyes of a Pastor’s Daughter: Isabella Lee  

Growing up, I heard of my dad’s pastor friends long before I met most of them. Their names came up in dinner-table stories, and as a kid, I simply called them my dad’s “Jesus friends.”

So, when Jennifer [Law] and I spent a morning with the group for a BGAV video project, it felt surprisingly familiar. I had met only one or two of them, yet they already knew me. They had been hearing about me my whole life through my dad.

As we interviewed them, I heard how they had supported one another through the joys and challenges of ministry. I knew this group meant the world to my dad, but hearing their stories helped me understand why.

What I loved most was seeing their friendship in action—the laughing, joking, storytelling, and reminiscing that revealed more than 20 years of history and trust.

I came to tell their story, but I left understanding a little more of my dad’s--and of how God is working in and through every pastor in the group.

Isabella Lee is the marketing strategist for BGAV’s marketing team.

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