by Ken Kessler, BGAV Empower Coaching

Jack had his first conversation with his coach last week. (Do you remember Jack from a previous article? Jack is the pastor of Meadowview Baptist Church. His pastoral colleague, Jill, suggested to him that finding a coach had created tremendous value for her to live creatively in her situation.) The conversation was mainly a get-acquainted session, and now he was preparing for the first actual coaching session. One thing his coach said to him that caught his attention was, “Remember, our agenda for our time together is up to you.”  He had been thinking about that for several days. What did he want to work on with his coach? Numerous things were going on within him as a pastor. So he made a list:

·      How do I get the people in my church to think about growth?

·      The world is different. What must we do differently as a church to reach our community?

·      My education in the 1980s and 1990s did not adequately prepare me for this world. What do I do now?

·      Are my most effective years at this church over?

·      The people in the church like to protect the way they have always done things. How do I get them to consider something new?

·      Who are the people we are trying to reach today? How do I find out who they are and what they are like?

·      My leaders are not growing. How can I create a spiritual environment where individuals can hear God's voice in their lives?

·      And then there are my own prayers and spiritual practices! I don’t give them the time they need. How can I discern the voice of God if I myself am not listening?

·      Sunday School does not seem to be working. How do we redesign our Sunday School to be more effective?

·      I often don’t give my sermons the attention they need. How can I find time to give them more priority?

·      Everybody wants me to visit more. Why do I struggle with not visiting more?

·      Our deacons have become business managers rather than pastoral servants. How do I help them reclaim a shepherding role? Or how do I move them from being managers to spiritual leaders?

·      Everybody wants me to do everything. How do I prioritize my ministry life? How can I help others understand my priorities?

·      My spouse is not happy. I spend so much time prioritizing the challenges of the church that she feels left out. How can I reclaim the joy in my marriage and with my children?

Jack stopped there. He was so overwhelmed. He thought, I didn't realize I had so many things that are causing me extra stress. I had never made a list like this before. How will my coach help me with all these things? We will not have time to deal with all of these. Well, it’s time for our call.

Jack called his coach, Miller. Miller greeted Jack, asked a few questions about the previous week, and inquired about his family. He remembered that Jack’s daughter, Jody, had a recital last week. Miller shared a little about his week and then shared a prayer for their time together.

Miller then jumped in with the question he said would let Jack know they were moving into coaching, “What do you want to work on today that will help you move forward in your journey?”

Jack shared, “I have been thinking about that a lot, Miller. I made a list of things on my mind and heart that have my attention. After Miller asked what was on the list, Jack shared his 14 things. When Jack finished, Miller encouraged him by acknowledging he had done some good thinking. And he asked Jack, “So when you finished that list, what did it do for you?”

Jack then went into the story of feeling overwhelmed and disjointed. He knew he could not solve every challenge today, and he was sure there were more things that he had not even considered. Miller listened deeply and then asked, “When you conclude your ministry at this church, what is a word or phrase that you hope people will use to describe your ministry?”

After a lengthy discussion about his ministry, Jack concluded, “I think I want people to remember me as faithful and innovative.”

Then, Miller suggested an exercise, “Jack, take your list of 14 things, spend a couple of minutes, and I want you to think of the three things on the list that will make the most significant impact on you being faithful and innovative in this church.”

Jack took the exercise seriously and thought carefully about those three things in silence. When they came back together, he shared his top three with Miller. After about five minutes of discussion, Jack asked, “What do you think my top three should be?”

And Miller stopped him. “Jack, I understand you want to know what I think,” he said. “Yet, I want to remind you that coaching is not about my agenda for you. What is most important is what you and God think are the agenda for you. Sometimes, I will give my opinion about something or point something out to you, but right now, what is most essential for you are the three things you think are most important. The most important thing to remember is that we are working on you, and that work is vital if you are going to influence and lead others.”

The conversation continued for the next 30 minutes as Jack settled on working on reclaiming joy in his spiritual refreshment as his focus of the day. Miller’s questions weaved into Jack’s decision that his joy was now most important. He needed to recover his pleasure if he was going to help the congregation regain theirs.

After deciding to try a couple of actions over the next month to enhance his spiritual walk, Miller asked Jack, “What did you discover about yourself through our work together today?”

Jack quickly shared, “I realized that one of the main reasons I feel so overwhelmed is that I have invested so much energy in others, neglecting my own joy and needs. If I am going to lead this church, it starts with me. Miller, one of the biggest things I realize is also that our conversations will give me a fresh perspective to help me regain my leadership stance. Your ability to listen to me and ask thought-provoking questions is pushing me to consider things I haven't thought about in a long time. I can hardly wait for our next session.”

And so, Jack begins his journey with a coaching relationship. His leadership would never be the same.

Action Item for You:

·      Create a list of opportunities and challenges you encounter in your current situation.

·      What are the top three areas you could work on with a coach that would yield the most significant benefit in your leadership journey?

Want to learn more about coaching skills?

Join us for our upcoming online Foundations for Christian Coaching class, Empower 501!  BGAV members and partners receive a significant scholarship to offset the regular class price. Visit the BGAV Events webpage for more information on the latest course offerings.

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